I have previously shared a bit around how I burnt out earlier this year and how breaking my foot was my biggest wake up call to that.

I now want to share with you how I got to that point and what was missing from my self-care practice.

As someone who teaches about the importance of self-care, surely, I should have all this stuff down pat, right?

Not exactly.

We often teach the things that we need to learn the most.

There were many ways that I was caring for myself.

Meditation
Yoga
Nutrition
Kinesiology
Reiki
Journaling

And the list could go on and on.

So, what was really behind my burnout and what was it that I was lacking the most?

I had conscious awareness. I knew what limiting beliefs were holding me back.

The awareness was there BUT the ACTION wasn’t.

What was lacking in my self-care practice???

1. Boundaries –

I hate / hated disappointing others so I would go out of my way to serve them which meant a disservice to myself.

2. I wasn’t speaking my truth –

I would say yes when I really meant no. I would swallow my words as I cared too much about what other people thought of me.

3. I was a people pleaser –

I love helping people and I love making other people happy. In order to keep the peace, I would prioritise everyone else’s needs over my own. 

You may see the link between all three of these. I know I did. One problem feed the other problem until it all became too hard and I felt I couldn’t change.

Breaking my foot and burning out taught me that I have no other choice than to take ACTION and be courageous.

The last 5 months I have overhauled my life. These outdated beliefs still pop up  but so much has shifted. My life is almost unrecognisable from the beginning of the year.

I share all of this with you today as I know so many of you are in a similar position.

Self-care is so much deeper than taking a few hours for yourself and running a hot bath.

To truly take care of ourselves and love ourselves unconditionally, we need to be 100% self-responsible and honest with ourselves.

You can’t run away from your outdated beliefs.

You need to work through them.

You need to take ACTION.

Self-awareness is vital but it is only one step of the equation.

What is self-awareness if we chose not to take action???

What are the limiting beliefs that are holding you back???

 

“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to

love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others”.

Brene` Brown

 

Love

Alisha

I am sitting here pondering ~ how have we got things so wrong in our society??? The stigma surrounding seeking mental health support and the notion that it is weak to speak. What I witness in my clinic every day is powerful beyond measure. If people saw what therapists saw – mental health, speaking up and weakness would never be used in the same sentence again. It takes VULNERABILITY, COURAGE and STRENGTH to allow yourself to be truly seen by another. I often have sessions so powerful that they leave me speechless and with a small tear in my eye. When you witness someone shifting a lifetime of trauma and limiting beliefs – it would be impossible (at least in my eyes) to see weakness. When you look at someone with tears rolling down their face and know that the “work” you have just witnessed will change them on a deep level. To know that they are leaving your therapy room a different person to who they were when they walked in an hour ago is incredible. A person who looks deep within themselves to transform their lives for the better is a fierce warrior. Let’s change our dialogue around mental health support and see it for what it actually is!! A strength! Speak up, reach out and get support if you need it ❤️

 

Love

Alisha

One aspect of my work that I love is Men’s Mental Health. 

I love seeing the transformation that occurs in men when they start therapy. 

On the outside you would never know anything was wrong. He walks in with a mask on – covering his face and….his soul. He walks in with a hard, protective shell surrounding his entire being. How long it takes to crack the shell is different for everyone.

One man may walk in and burst into tears as soon as he has sat on the lounge. He has carried this pain around with him for so long – hiding it from every single person around him. He is exhausted. The mask is not holding up like it used to and so he breaks. Tears rolling down his face. “I can’t do this anymore”. “I have hit rock bottom”. 

For someone else, it may take longer. You have to shift through the defensiveness. You have to build rapport and trust. You have to let him know that this is a safe place. Together you start to explore negative beliefs patterns, detrimental behaviours, family history and societal expectations. Gently the cracking happens, and they let you in that little bit more. 

They are ready to start removing their mask. 

There are differences with men and women. Our bodies. Our brains. Our make-up. How we learn, communicate, lead and express our ourselves. In order to be in our natural flow, we all need both masculine and feminine energy. 

Part of the work that I do with men, is helping them to soften (although I don’t always use that word with the men!)

When you break through the hard, protective shell – you find a “softness”. 

This softening though challenges our perception of males. Boys are raised hearing –

Don’t be soft

Don’t be a girl

Boys don’t cry

Man up

Times are changing though. Our society is starting to shift this perception. More parents are aware now of the determinantal impact these phrases have long term. We have more men speaking out now about men’s mental health, suicide prevention and domestic violence. 

When a man learns to “soften” beautiful things start to happen. He can express himself more through both actions and words. He can label his emotions and learn to sit with them. He becomes an emotionally intelligent leader.  His relationships improve. A weight lifts off his shoulders as he realises, he doesn’t need to carry it all on his own. His priorities change. He becomes a more hands-on father. Conversations change from surface level to deeper, more meaningful connections. He becomes a positive role model and inspiration to others.  

Times are changing. 

How can you contribute to this change? It may be at the personal level or it may be at the collective level. 

We need men to step up and be the change. 

Let’s reduce these awful statistics of mental illness, suicide and domestic violence.  

 

Love

Alisha

When it feels as if life has been pulled out from beneath you
And you don’t know how you will ever get through
Please know you will see the light of day again
There will come a time when you can start to process and heal your pain

 This thing called life won’t always be fair,
So please allow yourself to be held by those who care
When your world feels dark and heavy
Allow yourself the time and space until you are ready

The darkness, the fears and the pain are all real
You try to suppress them because it is too hard to truly feel
You are scared that feeling your pain will break you
You push through and deny what is true 

Rather than pushing through, allow yourself the space
And know that you do not always have to put on a happy face
Surround yourself with beautiful, healing green light
And let your power and strength from within ignite 

You are so much stronger than you will ever know
Live for this present moment and not for tomorrow
It is through our darkest times that we grow the most
Use gratitude and compassion as your life’s guidepost

Connect with your heart and allow yourself to feel
Nurture and love yourself so that you can heal
Let the tears flow and then wipe them from your eyes
It is through this darkness that you will rise

 

Love

Alisha

Don’t be afraid of your tears, dear one.
Let them fall.
Your tears tell a story of your pain. 
They are the healing waters that kiss your cheek as they fall.

Take your time, dear one.
This healing will happen at your pace.
There will be excruciating days and some days that feel lighter.
Please know that no matter the day, I will be here to hold the space.

Be gentle with yourself, dear one.
Your heart is tender and raw.
Move slowly and wrap yourself in nurturing, pure love.
You need kindness more than you ever have before.

Allow me to hold you, dear one.
To surround you with healing love and light.
I will sit with you in your pain.
I will hold you while you cry, 
listen wholeheartedly 
and remind you of your strength to fight. ✨

 

Love

Alisha